Byron Bay Bikram Baby!

Birthday pressie from me, to me: Byron Bay!
This is where I will kick of my Bikram101 challenge next week, June 1!

I will leave right after my birthday which I'll celebrate in Sydney with a sensational dinner and lot's of wine.
Tuesday I am off to Byron Bay where my fellow yogi friend will pick me up. She has booked an amazing apartment and there's a Bikram studio nearby. It will be a week of Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram but also beach, relaxing, exploring the area, going out, massages, wining & dining!

What better way to start my challenge?
I am so excited, I can't wait!

It's good to focus on Byron Bay, rather than the challenge I am about to enter.
I am reading blogs of yogi's who are doing teacher training as we speak. The blogs are freakin' me out a tiny bit.
Teacher training is 99 classes in 3 months. I however do 101 classes in a 101 days so it's a bit different and I don't have to do double classes (but I probably will). Some yogi's in teacher training are seriously injured, their hair is falling out, skin is falling off, rashes, acne, meltdowns... Oh lordy...Note to myself: Must take good care of myself!!

But hey, the 30-day challenge I can do (did it twice), I am sure I could do the 60-day challenge so why not skip that and go for the ultimate challenge..... right?
~ I might look like hell and be an emotional wreck but at least I will have a yoga bum by the end of it ;-)

Bikram101 -Challenge accepted

I am taking a new challenge upon myself!
I know, I know; I just completed the 30-day Bikram challenge last month, but I want more....!

So what is this new challenge?

'Bikram 101' is the answer. 101 consecutive days practicing Bikram yoga.
** Almost a third of a year -- 9090 minutes of bikram yoga **

I came up with this in my Monday class. I had a 100 day challenge in mind but the next day when I told a fellow yogi about this idea I found out it seems to already excist.
Google 'Bikram 101' and it has many many many results!

There are different "challenge lengths" in Bikram yoga. Here is a break out of how each one helps and heals your body:

* 30-Days: A readjustment period... You're getting your body primed for an on-going practice. Just getting through a 30 consecutive day challenge is a difficult for most people. Bikram will become a habit.
~Ticked that box (twice!)
* 60-Days: In the 60-day challenge, the second 30 days are where you get to the "emotional stuff." While you experience the mental exhaustion "here and there" in the first set of 30 days, you experience it far more frequently in the second set. Anger. Tears. Hysterical laughter. It all comes out here... Both in and out of class.
~Oh..oh...!
* 90-Days: This is when your body suddenly (or so people claim) changes shape. You will notice in the 30 and 60-day challenges that muscles and body parts tighten up. But the third set of 30 is when you start to see the yoga practice pay off physically in your body. You've been feeling it up until this point... But now you can actually see it. You can see your "yoga bum" starting to take shape.
~Bring it on :-)
* 100-Days: Ten extra days, just to make things a nice big number...
* 101-Days: Because you just have to show up for one extra day.

I will start June 1, as a happy birthday gift to myself.
I'll journal my progress throughout this challenge.

I am a nike girl, 'I can do it'! At least, I hope I can do it... EEK.....!

Past - Present -Future

I have a chronicle condition. There....I have said it.
This has always been my big secret, I felt ashamed for it.

Symptoms started when I was a teenager. I have seen it happen to my mother and I felt it happening to myself. I just refused to believe it and act on it.
It actually took me more than 10 years to go to the hospital (4 years ago), get tested and get the result; 'Fibromyalgia' -a rheumatic condition.

Although I was quite sure I had it and I only got tested to get medicine (or shall I say painkillers) it was devastating to hear.
I did get the medicine together with folders for support groups for me and my partner. 'To learn how to cope with this future'. I threw these folders in the bin immediately. I remember clearly that I went to see my regular masseuse that week to relieve me from inflamed joints and tense muscles. Her response was that she was not surprised by the given result and asked me if my (newly wed) husband was still with me. --She has seen it happen many times, that the partner doesn't choose 'that' life. She gave me a clear picture of what my life could be like -and it wasn't pretty. Thankfully, my dear readers, my husband choose me and the future that might come with that;-) And I never went back to the masseuse and her positive state of mind.

Worst thing about this condition is it will never get better, it will only get worse, hence the word 'chronic' before 'condition'.
It hit me hard and I self pitied myself for a quite some time which led to stress which led to more pain. I had days where I couldn't lift my arms anymore and days where I was unable to walk. It felt like my body gave up on my instantly. I took multiple pills every day and avoided social occasions and cried A LOT. Most of all I feared my future.

2 Years ago I experienced the benefits of taking good care of myself.
I moved to a country which offers me more relaxation and, very important, a warm climate; I lost weight; got a job which didn't make me unhappy or stressed; pursued Bikram yoga and learned to enjoy a healthy diet.
The future still scares me sometimes and so do a few random bad days where reality hits me and pain strikes. But in 13 years time, I have never felt better or stronger. Heck.. often I feel like a healthy 28-year-old-yogi!
I thank myself for my new life style and I thank Bikram yoga for making my body stronger, more resistant and a clean- mean fighting machine.

Bikram and me

I lay on the floor in savasana and stare at the ceiling.

My thoughts wonder off to what's been said in a recent class, how every individual will expose their personality and characteristics though their Bikram yoga practice.

A couple examples where given, such as:
When your postures look different as to other postures in the room you are probably not the best listener; when you sit down a lot during classes there is a fair chance that you give up easily in life; if you always start late in postures and finish early you could be kind of a loner; if you never give your all it would probably mean you are somewhat lazy; if you skip a specific posture continuously because you don't like it you avoid confrontation in unpleasant situations etc etc..

I found this quite interesting and observed my practice carefully with this in mind.

About a year ago I always skipped camel & triangle posture. I hated these postures cause it made my heart beat like crazy, it was quite the task on my poor muscles, it made me nauseous & dizzy and on a bad day also quite emotional. Just thinking about executing these postures actually made me feel unwell already so I almost always just didn't do them at all just to avoid the 'pain' and awkwardness.
True story is that this was reflecting on how I would react on random 'real life' negativity. I would always avoid awkwardness and confrontations.

The idea that you can actually change your 'not too fantastic' characteristics by changing how you practice Bikram Yoga sounds magical to me, also because I've seen it work for me. - Nowadays I don't skip postures anymore and neither do I avoid confrontations in life.
In all honestly, I still don't love confrontations and won't go look for them, but it's been a big improvement for me.
My new goal now is giving at least a 100% in the full length of all postures. Yes.... I am somewhat lazy.... but this might change soon..!?

I went through today's practice in my 70% mode. Not a great start to my new found goal... SIGH..
I hoped the teacher wouldn't notice my slacking and I therefore displayed (acted) a great bit of exhaustion. I was excited for every posture to be over an done with and the word 'change!' has never sounded better.
Then, all of a sudden, during the floor bow pose the teacher (and also founder of the school and 5x Bikram champion legend) said out loud "beautiful Fiona, you must demonstrate this for everyone".
For a second I thought I'd fallen asleep and dreamed this but..no,.... noop...everyone is looking at me...
Humbled and completely confused I looked at him and hoped for a way out but there definitely was no way out on this one. I have seen it happen before, to word 'no' is non-existent..

With a 120 eyes on me I performed floor bow pose.

I want to say that I felt embarrassed but the embarrassment was kind of overruled by the fact that I was actually flattered.
He praised my practice and mentioned that 'young miss Fi' has not been practicing for too long (he asked me how long and I gave an overwhelmed '1.5 year' as my answer. He continued that I had improved so very much in a short time and that many people in the room will probably think I am a legend.. >> Yes... really.. he said that. And no... really... I am not at all.
A few people kept glancing at me during the rest of class so I definitely finished strong.
Gosh, I love this teacher now... That's all it takes; a couple of awesome compliments and your loved in my life :-)

Live Life

I want to live my life right.....
I want to find purpose, accomplish things, be proud and most of all; enjoy it!

I don’t find it easy though.

I have not found purpose in life (....yet).
I wonder who I’ll be years from now and I wonder who I would have become had I lived a different life so far. I wonder what kind of person I would be if I could just delete all the shitty stuff which has dominated the most important years of my life; the years where I became me. I know it doesn’t help to think about this but is it true what they say; "what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger"? Or does it just make me less of the person I could have been. And from here on out, do I break through old bricks or do I ignore and move on?
~I have met people who lived an easy, loving life. A life without worries, headaches and sorrows. How do I not envy this?

Is it just me or do you as well always want different things? Things you can’t have or simply things that isn’t you? Does the grass always look greener on the other side or is it really actually greener?

I wish I could live my life peaceful, uncontrolled, free, and unwritten. Kind of like a ‘summer breeze’ with no regrets.
But instead I am controlling, organized, I over think things, have regrets and evaluate every move.

All in all, I’m happy. I am happy with the changes I have made and the person I am becoming. I am happy with new dreams even though some don’t last.
If only I could take a sneak peek into the future though... just to see if I am heading the right way......