Past - Present -Future

I have a chronicle condition. There....I have said it.
This has always been my big secret, I felt ashamed for it.

Symptoms started when I was a teenager. I have seen it happen to my mother and I felt it happening to myself. I just refused to believe it and act on it.
It actually took me more than 10 years to go to the hospital (4 years ago), get tested and get the result; 'Fibromyalgia' -a rheumatic condition.

Although I was quite sure I had it and I only got tested to get medicine (or shall I say painkillers) it was devastating to hear.
I did get the medicine together with folders for support groups for me and my partner. 'To learn how to cope with this future'. I threw these folders in the bin immediately. I remember clearly that I went to see my regular masseuse that week to relieve me from inflamed joints and tense muscles. Her response was that she was not surprised by the given result and asked me if my (newly wed) husband was still with me. --She has seen it happen many times, that the partner doesn't choose 'that' life. She gave me a clear picture of what my life could be like -and it wasn't pretty. Thankfully, my dear readers, my husband choose me and the future that might come with that;-) And I never went back to the masseuse and her positive state of mind.

Worst thing about this condition is it will never get better, it will only get worse, hence the word 'chronic' before 'condition'.
It hit me hard and I self pitied myself for a quite some time which led to stress which led to more pain. I had days where I couldn't lift my arms anymore and days where I was unable to walk. It felt like my body gave up on my instantly. I took multiple pills every day and avoided social occasions and cried A LOT. Most of all I feared my future.

2 Years ago I experienced the benefits of taking good care of myself.
I moved to a country which offers me more relaxation and, very important, a warm climate; I lost weight; got a job which didn't make me unhappy or stressed; pursued Bikram yoga and learned to enjoy a healthy diet.
The future still scares me sometimes and so do a few random bad days where reality hits me and pain strikes. But in 13 years time, I have never felt better or stronger. Heck.. often I feel like a healthy 28-year-old-yogi!
I thank myself for my new life style and I thank Bikram yoga for making my body stronger, more resistant and a clean- mean fighting machine.