All I want... as the countdown begins

"When you always do the same things, you will always get the same results"

As we are counting down the final days of 2010, I must admit that it feels good. -Real good!

For me 2010 has had its struggles and I am ready for a fresh start.
Now, I know a fresh start is not a 'given' as the new year is.
This is becoming more and more clear as I've been assigned to create my very own bucket list. (By assigned I mean a very drunken evening with friends where I somehow promised to write and present a bucket list on New Years eve)

So, here Iam, with a blank notepad.

I thought this bucket list would be an easy thing to do but why does it appear to be so difficult? Why don't I have answers for what I want before I die? Or would skinny, rich and happy count?....I didn't think so.

Maybe its that this year I found my dream. A purpose, a passion which I also had to let go (all within the same freakin' year) or maybe the things I've always been so sure about suddenly did not seem so sure anymore. And maybe, just maybe, I've seen some real unfair stuff happen to the people I love the most and I wonder if its all worth it to try and control our own happiness.
But I turn 30 next year so its about time I figure this shit out ;-)

I sure as hell believe in living life to the fullest and can only hope for much more before I die, but I cant put a finger on what it is that I want.
I am empty...-for now.

But... I have 4 days to get it together (a good start to a bucket list that is) and pursue towards a new year, a year where I am not afraid to dream again and where I am brave enough to live life! Better go and do some yoga tomorrow to get focused...!
2011 (and beyond);here I come! WOO!

The heat is on… Your Health Coach

My business is officially open and I am inviting anyone and everyone who wants to lose weight.
You gotta be in it to win it, but I promise you that you will loose the weight in a way that works for you.

Just email me for more info: fiona@yourhealthcoach.net.au
www.yourhealthcoach.net.au

Max

3pm, I am at a client conference when my phone rings.
Number is blocked which is usually a call from Holland. I look at my watch while my phone rings a 2nd time. It’s only 6 am in Holland?
I answer the phone and hear my sisters voice.
My beautiful sister who is 7 months pregnant.
I can tell by sound of her voice that something is wrong. She just came back from the hospital where she got told her baby boy is no longer alive.
I am struck by sadness and disbelieve.

There I stand, in shock, 16632.53 kilometres apart from my sister.
I boarded the next available flight to what I can only describe as the saddest 3 weeks of my life.

Max.
I never got to see your eyes,
or hold your hand, or hear your cries.
All I have are dreams of you,
those of which, will never come true.
My heart sank the day that I knew,
I would never get to meet you.



I’ve been back in Sydney now for 2 weeks and slowly starting to feel like 'My Self' again.
All the sadness, grief, anger and worries consumed me and got stuck in me. After the 5th Bikram class yesterday I got some my balance back, my joints opened up and I regained some strength.
I need Bikram yoga now more than ever to heal my mind, body and soul.

Honey, I'm Home!

2 weeks later...and I am over my little ‘affair’ with Power yoga.

It seems like all things new are indeed exciting and whilst I enjoyed the flirt, I am so happy to be practising Bikram yoga again.

I think the 101-day challenge made me in need of a Bikram break, something else, and that something else was Power yoga.
The first class was new and refreshing. If I may ad, this was a class taught by a instructor whose roots lie in Bikram Yoga. Then the rest of the classes where unfulfilling because it was not (very well) heated and I missed the heart pumping, sweating and feeling out of breath dimension to it.

When returning ‘home’ to my first Bikram class sweat started to poor down my back in the first set of pranayama breathing.

“Joy”, I thought! Let the torture begin!

Oh boy, and torture it was. I felt worse than my first ever class. I was huffing and puffing, nearly fainting, nauseous and incredibly weak.

But it feels so great again to feel my heart pumping and sweat (a lot) and in each class I am improving; getting back to where I left off.
Maybe I find enough courage to return to an advanced class again in a month or so... EEP!

Seduced by power

I love Bikram yoga.
Convinced of the many benefits I recommend it to anyone and everyone. -If you haven’t tried it; you must-!

Then along came Power yoga……

After 2 years of being a profound Bikram lover, doing two 30-days challenges and a 101-day challenge I found myself losing my bliss. Using the same muscles and doing the same postures in every class kind of got me to notice this other yoga which rocked my little world after my 2nd class. The teacher, the variety and flow in postures/ movement, the dimmed lighting, the music, the muscle ache post-class, the heated room (my kind of yoga must include heat!)… it was fantastic!

Now I wonder; do I like Power because it’s new? All things new are exciting.....

I am keen to explore Power some more while still keep practising Bikram as well. I am able to share my love for both… right?
- If only there was a studio which offers both Bikram & Power… now that would just be perfect….

In the mean time I am enjoying my sore triceps, bring on summer -I am almost ready!

Bikram 101 - Mission completed!

Here I am -I did it; I completed the 101 day Bikram Yoga challenge with a 105 classes!

I am yogi!



I started at the 1st day of winter and now its spring. I have transformed as did the season and I am no longer the same person. I am not at the ‘butterfly’ stage yet. I am evolving, shaping and developing, nearly ready to be unfolded and grow.

This challenge gave me so much.

Thanks for letting me share my Bikram fascination, fixation, passion and for your comments, support and encouragement!
‘The more you give, the more you receive. -As it turns out, this is how the world works’.

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Bikram's Advanced Series

I have been invited by the owner of my studio, aka champion yogi and awesome teacher to the advanced class.
Now, I have heard of the advanced series, but didn’t know too much about it. I said ‘yes’ immediately when I got the invite and went on Google to do some 'investigationing' to find out what awaits me and this is what I found:

Instead of 26 postures in 90 minutes, it's 84 postures in about 90 - 120 minutes.
Advanced practice is very different from the beginners class, and one of the biggest differences is the pace. The pace is fast. It's not like beginners class, where you get to do each pose twice and don't get to take savasana after every pose.

It’s also a led class; the teacher does the postures instead of teaching by dialogue.

All the postures in the beginning series come from the advanced series, which is the original set of postures that Bikram studied and practiced in India with Bishnu Ghosh so in the advanced series it's the 26 postures you know from the beginners series, plus 58 really scary and tough postures.

I went on YouTube to watch a demonstration.
For the first minute or so watching this demo I thought “I can do this, it looks kinda the same, just heaps quicker”.
Then….my jaw dropped and my heart started to beat quick and strong.
……………. Oh my………………….
I can’t do this…? I nearly threw up a little…..



But, I did it; I went.
First I needed to do a beginners class followed by the advanced class.

There I was, with 4 amazing teachers and 2 rock star yogi students.
It was scary, I felt humbled.
It was incredibly tough and even after trying a 2nd advanced class a few days later I am unsure if my body will ever allow itself to fold into these postures. I mean; head stands, finger stands and then so many more crazy fold ups, twists and muscle contractions…

A few hours post class it felt like I have been in a car accident or as if someone put me in a tumble dryer for 2 hours. Sore all over.
But hey, I gave it my all and I am happy that I have tried it.

Day 97

Day 97,

And I feel amazing and utterly grateful for where this journey has brought me.

Prior to the challenge i was in the mids of a minor -and very early- midlife crisis. Searching for meaning in my life and questioning the many paths I've taken so far.

Now, nearly towards the end, reaching my 101 day Thursday, I feel renewed. I have found what I was looking for.

In Bikram yoga you have to push to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. It seems that when you do this consistently you not only get stronger in your practice but also in other parts of your life where you might have given up.
Change only happens when you step outside your comfort zone. And... Oh boy, did I do that in this challenge!

It was -and still is- a path to self realization and couldn't be more thrilled and excited for the results is has brought me.

So close

So close I can taste it…


I feel; tired, happy, good, emotional, proud, strong, evolved, alive, excited, confident, free, absorbed, eager, inspired, aching, tortured, encouraged, serene and challenged.


Frequently asked questions:
- Will you continue every day yoga after the challenge?

No! It’s a 101-day challenge, not a lifelong challenge. I will however continue practice for an average of 4 - 5 times a week.

- Do you still like yoga?

Yes, I do. No hesitation. I love the many benefits; physically, emotionally & mentally. I love my life with Bikram yoga in it.


I want to finish strong, and so, to finish off my 101-day challenge I will push for double classes and eat extremely healthy.

My practice is going well. I feel comfortable pushing my body to new limits. I trust upon advice and feedback that I receive because after nearly 2 years of practicing Bikram yoga there is still much to learn and so many improvements to make.

My studio has 2 advanced classes each week for teachers and I have been invited to the advanced class this week. EEK…… I am a bit nervous, feel honored and am also greatly excited about this. Stay tuned…!


Gosh… next week I am done, -NEXT WEEK!

10!

10 days before I complete the 101-day challenge… BRING ON NEXT WEEK!
-Unfortunately this is all I had time for today, I’ll blog again tomorrow…!-

'Sigh'

Sunday morning.
I feel tired an have given myself permission (as advised by my 'guru') to take it easy in class today.
I struggle but maintain during the standing series.
Halfway during the floor series a little voice pops up. It's me; 3-years old and the voice says "i...don't wanna...anymore...I can't....do...this.." and just about when a tear nearly rolled out of my right eye another voice appeared. "Don't be ridiculous, the hard part is done, only 17 classes left in your 101-day challenge. -Besides, in approximately 15 minutes you'll be walking home with a delish skinny latte and are able to relax the rest of your Sunday".

It helped; I stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped negotiating the remains of the hard psychical labor.
I was able to stay strong, enjoy Sydney's best latte and am now enjoying a picture perfect day in the park with sunshine, cookies and my iPad :-)

Truth be told though, this is where the challenge gets tough.
I know there is not long to go, but I am getting small injuries and I am absolutely exhausted.
I sleep well; I sleep enough but it seems that in my sleep my body is working so hard to recover that it doesn't really rest which makes me tired ALL the time.

The final week will be extra tough as I will put myself through a detox.
No alcohol, no meat, no caffeine, no snacks. My nutrition will be beneficial only to my body, so lot's of fruit, veggies, fiber, fish.
Unprocessed, natural; healthy.
I might keep like a little diary to post as blog....?
I'll probably have myself a weeks long pity party but I am sure I'll feel amazing at the finish!

20!

Exactly 3 weeks left in my 101-day challenge and I am slowly falling apart…
I look like crap, have mood swings and I am tired.

The ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ is September 9.
I have a massage booked, getting my nails done, die my hair, get my tattoo, go out on a fancy dinner to celebrate and rest & recover!

Now, I just need to stay focused and not get caught up in the swirl of emotions and exhaustion. I take it day by day; do my best in each class.

Yesterday I had the hottest class ever. My skin felt like it was on fire, bread that I ate earlier that day started to rise again in my stomach and sprinkle salt on me and call me popcorn but this must be what hell feels like.

3 more weeks, 3 more weeks, 3 more weeks…..!

Sharing is caring...?

My yogi friend was telling me about a blog where the author (AKA yogi) saw a fellow yogi bring her partner to Bikram yoga. She described how this yogi really wanted to show the poor guy how it was done, when to do what which way and by the end she told him that he did 'okay' but there was lots of practice needed.
He was silent –not pleased.



It got me thinking......
......After my discovery and many many many many many hours of talking about it my husband wanted to give it a try.

“Neh, I said, that’s not for you; you would not like it”.

But apparently due to my many many many many many hours of talking about it, he was keen to give it a try anyway.

And so he did.

I wonder now; how did I look and sound.....?
.....I can only hope I wasn’t all like, well… you know… female and stuff and basically I did not want to have been the topic of someone's blog and I aim to be a nice wife.

But wait…. Oh, My….

I remember that all throughout class I kept my eye on him and I even gave him some pointers after class (to help him.. of course…)
He went back though (on his own initiative if I may ad). But I noticed though that he stood far far away that 2nd time in the hot room to probably not get anymore feedback.


These days he comes along no more than twice a year which I think is best.
His presence is not helping my practice and it’s also not progressing our marriage. People never look good during a Bikram yoga class; folded in random positions, weird/ strained faces and sweating, A LOT of sweating.
I refuse to believe that you can ever feel attracted to anyone in the hot room.


Bikram yoga is my thing; the thing where I need no one and I love it.

30!

Only 30 days left in my challenge!

Can’t believe I have completed 71 days already. This challenge turned out (so far that is) to be easier than expected. It’s a lifestyle, a habit that is without question a part of my everyday life now.

“Yoga is a journey, not a destination.”
And in this journey I do alter between feeling absolute yoga bliss and yoga feeling dreadful,-daunting even. Yoga felt beautiful last week but it has not felt good this week. There is no bliss, -just getting through class.
But I keep going back. I can’t imagine the last time in my life I kept going back to something that felt dreadful –daunting.
Twisted, right?
But I know that someday –hopefully tonight- I’ll get my bliss back and will be head over heels in love again.

While still in the midst of this challenge, still absolutely sold on Bikram yoga and the anatomical, neurological, physiological and psychological effects it has on the human body, I am starting to fantasise about my life after this 101-day challenge. All that time off… what to do when I get my life back?
EASY! -More Bikram yoga; 4 a 5 days a week and I am keen to start running again. Besides the yoga and running I’ll be sure to enjoy spring and summer ;-) BRING ON SEPTEMBER!

September 9 will be the last day of my challenge.
September 10 I’ll get my tattoo which will forbid me from doing bikram yoga for approx 2 weeks…. EEK!
My spine will not be happy and neither will my skinny jeans….

A confession is needed though; here it goes.........
-I cheated on Bikram yoga with Power yoga.
I was curious to find out the difference. Power yoga being ‘warm yoga’ sounded quite similar; however, it wasn’t similar at all in my opinion.
It was interesting to try it one time and while I enjoyed the potential gain of arms and abdominal muscles, it was the standing on my head, loud breathing, lack of mirrors, precision in alignment (-vs. benefits) and the humming meditation that is just not for me.


Last Saturday I attended Rajashree’s seminar. -Rajashree is Bikram’s wife-. She is gorgeous, graceful and full of knowledge! I can honestly say that this was the 1st seminar/ workshop ever attended that I liked, or do I dare to say it; LOVED! Captured by her presence and excited about the day we enjoyed so much, me and my yogi friend even climbed on stage to ask for a photo....!

Rumour is that Bikram himself is coming to Sydney next year…. *excitement*!

My resume.

Age 29, a (typical) Gemini, Dutch, living in gorgeous Sydney.

Fulltime wife; yogini and commercial manager.

Moving to Sydney - 2008- changed her in so many ways (personality, desires, hopes & dreams, taste, look & feel) and she’s grateful for it.

She’s a dreamer of life.

Loves to try new (exciting) things.

Doesn’t want to have kids although she would love to see Steve be a dad. Enjoys being an auntie though!

Wishes she could speak Spanish and be a writer.

Very very bad memory...

Passionate about Bikram yoga

It takes a while before she discloses ‘the real her' to people.

Terrified of getting old, losing those close to her and never being happy.

Competitive.

Has a chronic condition which sometimes makes her sad and fear the future.

Likes to flirt ;-)

Loves to laugh.

Her peaceful place is the beach.

A clear blue sky can put her frown up site down.

Believes in karma.

Enjoys new followers and comments @ her blog ;-)

She is determined, pushes herself.

Loves to dance - home alone; while walking with my iPod (have to restrain myself); quietly at work (corner desk); absolutely when going out.

Doesn’t waste energy or time on insignificant things, can be lazy.

Wishes she was less organized/ structured/ controlling.

Adores summer and dislikes winter.

Loves food & wine.

Doesn’t give up easily.

Impulsive and curious.

Likes being an educator.

Believes that happy girls are the prettiest girls.

Talks only to chosen few on the phone, preferring text or email for communication.

Changes into sweats or comfy clothing immediately upon returning home.

Sometimes on top of the world, sometimes worried and in search for more; usually somewhere in the middle.

Loves to go to bed early, occasionally sleep talker/ sleep walker.

Believes that tomorrow is another day.

Wishes she could travel more.

Likes to be surprised.

Excited to find out what the future holds for her although she’s aware that everyone creates their own future.

40

Yes -That's right, 60 days are completed.


Today, 11am I will only have 40 days left!

My studio started an official 31-day challenge for the month of August.
This is always a great time at the studio with great energy and familiar faces returning every day!

I'll write more on my 'state of play' next week coz I have to run off now to do an early Sunday morning class!

‘Bikram Amusement Park’

It seems I got myself a ticket to the ‘Bikram Amusement Park’ and I am stuck in the rollercoaster.

I’ve heard people talk about it, -and I read a lot about it in other blogs, but holy crapballs you have no idea what it all means till you’ve been there. Well…… I know now; this rollercoaster swings me from high’s to low’s.

I don’t like rollercoaster’s much; I get nauseous… but since there’s no way that I know of to get off this ride I better sit tight and let it rock my little world.

Tough week....

My mantra: How come it’s only Monday, how come it’s only still Tuesday..? I need July to be over already…….. Heck I need August to be over already. Wish it was spring already. Get me near the end of the challenge, give me my life back and ‘ouch’ I am sore. How come every day yoga isn’t making me skinny? My hands look ugly and I have got ‘Bikram Stigmata’ on my knees.
And then that yoga truck. That's the truck that hits you...then just when you think you are gonna get up and recover, you hear the "beep, beep, beep...' as it backs up and runs you over again.

But then.......out of the blue something hilarious happens (which I think can only ever be funny when exhaustion strikes and you are on the so-called ‘Bikram rollercoaster’) and I laughed harder since...well…a long time -during class! It was the unstoppable laugh; the one that’s too loud, embarrassing, hard to stop and makes your face bright red and has tears running down your face.

Anyways, back to my mantra. It’s only Wednesday today…? I need July to be over already…….. Heck I need August to be over already. Get me near the end of the challenge, give me my life back and ‘ouch’ I am sore…….
Ulch....

And so the story continues

With 46 days left in the challenge, this was how last week went down:

Monday:
Sore left foot, right knee, right hip but surprisingly a good class. 90-Minutes flew by, no improvements or setbacks; just a whole lot of sweating.

Tuesday:
Did 2 (back2back) classes. Great new teacher. In the 2nd class my mind was set on giving up but I did not give up coz of my yogi friend. Thinking if she was still standing and working it, so can I! Gosh… I worked hard this Tuesday evening.
In between classes I was curious if I’ve gotten more flexible halfway through my 101-day challenge and I tried to do the split; with success!

Wednesday:
I was limping due to Tuesday’s classes. Was not excited at all for class but after the first 10 min I zoned in and the teacher motivated me. I had great class. Prayer position in toe stand (I found out that the trick is extensive concentration combined with extensive contraction of abdominal muscles)!

Thursday:
Boring class, tired body, strained a muscle in my neck during class.

Friday:
Slow class, early morning class which I never find easy. Very stiff. Post class I felt very energised though for the rest of the day!

Saturday:
Great class; hot – humid! I find the backward bending quite scary because it always feels like my back is about to break but somehow it opened up this morning and bended further backwards which was even complimented on by the teacher.

Sunday:
Hung-over…
But thank gawd for coconut water and my yogi friend next to me. It turned out to be a good class. Balance was a little off but I recovered from the hangover within 5 minutes and felt amazing.


This week I have decided on the ultimate gift for me – from me upon completion of the 101 day challenge. Remember my 'totattooornottotattoo' blog…? The answer is 'totattoo'; I am getting one when I finish the 101-day challenge mid September!


The challenge has become a journey resulting in intense growth. Bikram yoga has the ability to peel back the layers to really expose what's going on in your mind and heart, whether you like what you see or not.

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work." For some time now my dreams and fantasies have been far more exciting than my realities. What I've come to realize, is that I can make all of my dreams come true through sweat (literally), determination and hard work. I firmly believe that as I'm on this journey to self-realization many new doors will open for me and my dreams will become my real life.

50

Drunk on positivism

Gosh, I am positive lately…!

It’s (pleasantly) weird because my glass was always half empty and never half full. ~It’s like I am drunk on positivism!

Negativity was always a great protector. ‘It could only turn out better than my expectations!’ Nowadays I don’t seem to need that anymore because even if I am referring to something I dislike, I still end it on a positive note.

Could it be happiness? –Yes I am happy!
I sure hope the positive mind-set is a keeper and with a bright future ahead I am quite confident that it is!

Expectations

Lights are off and it’s silent. I lie on my belly with 4 hours to go in this room. I am glancing around and preparing mentally. It almost feels like lights will go on soon, music will start and a show is about to begin.

But a show is not what’s going down this eve.
It is Tuesday and me and my yogi friend have dedicated ourselves to do another double class. It’s her 1-year Bikram Yoga anniversary; now that’s passion -she actually remembered the date that she started- and I love the teacher who teaches the late class on Tuesdays and would love a day off in return for this double! Tit for tat ;-)

The 1st class went alright. It was humid, I gave it my all. My skin felt hot, I was out of breath and my heart was beating hard. I love to feel this way; it gives me a sense of accomplishment. It’s this feeling that makes me feel more and more in love with Bikram Yoga. It’s a complete work-out like no other!

The 2nd class I wasn’t feeling all that awesome anymore. I was tired, psychically drained, in other words exhausted.
Such a waste because I love the teacher and it was definitely not her fault. A lot of people where struggling in this class so there was not much energy to steal.
I am happy to have done it though. That extra class is ‘in my pocket’; calories are burned and I felt proud and wonderful after!
Besides; I can’t have great classes every time and I just have to see what each class will bring me.

In general, expectations bring me excitement or disappointment. Most of the time there is not much in between.
I find it hard to live in the here & now without any prospective, - exciting plans for the near future. I plan and plan and plan, and with that come expectations. I wish I could independently control the outcome (noop, I am not controlling at all… well… maybe just a little) cause I’ll take excitement as a result any day –as you ‘my lovely 18 followers’ would probably as well ;-)

Expectations are a waste in practice. You can come to class thinking it will be a great one but instead of greatness you’ll have a yoga truck running you over or you’ll come to class feeling ‘bleh’ and praying for it to be over but it turns out to be a super duper class.


Anyways:
I have completed 56 days/ classes in my Bikram 101 challenge!
The 45 classes I’ve had so far have brought me strength, determination, improvements, setbacks, pride, bliss, energy, discovery, health, tired- (sometimes sore) muscles, soul searching (-and finding!), healthy nutrition, positive mind set, an ongoing & growing love for my practise and best of all; ‘prospective’…….

***

“Thank you ‘envy’. Although they say you are a sin and are often labelled as negative you open my eyes to new opportunities, want more,-strive for more and coz of the feeling you give me I believe that anything is possible”.

‘Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable’

In our Western society we don’t cope well with being-/ feeling uncomfortable.
As soon as we get uncomfortable our minds tells us to give up. The mind is strong and extremely hard to ignore.

Practicing Bikram yoga has taught me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

It’s no picnic; the 90 minutes in the hot room. But by repeatable practice, mind over matter and with commitment and determination you can put the mind on ‘mute’, overcome giving up and be a stronger person for it eventually.

After consistent Bikram Yoga practice over the last year and a half I am absolutely convinced that nowadays I can deal with ‘uncomfortable’ in life as suppose to back in the day when I was quite the quitter whenever things got tough….!

Hot Damn!

Yesterday I’ve done a double class and I am now back on track in my 101-day challenge! Great teachers, hot - humid classes and full commitment.

It felt great doing the double and with this euphoric feeling of pride and fulfilment it even crossed my mind to make this a standard on Tuesdays.
BUT… then throughout last night my body started to ache… Yes…I am incredibly sore…and trying to avoid too much movement today (until my Bikram class later today that is). Could someone fill up my water bottles today… -Jennie..?

Now that I’ve passed the 1st month I am curious to the effects this challenge will bring me. Yesterday it felt like I was on drugs (which….. really I am not). During my nearly 4 hours in the hot room I found a whole lot of not too funny stuff really funny and it made me laugh –a lot..! I believe it’s because I feel happy; great and exciting things are heading my way…! > More on this later ;-)

This week’s thank-you-note:
“Dear photo of me folded in a yoga posture captured in someone’s iphone: Thank you for being fun to look at. This ‘delightful mid-night graphic’ reminds of a fun night with a few too many drinks than ever allowed in a yoga studio as I don’t recall any photo’s where taken….”

Hot, Hotter, Hottest...

Practicing Bikram yoga forces me to focus and concentrate. ~ During those 90-minutes my mind is calm and eliminates all that is going on in my life. It’s such a peaceful 90-minutes although it’s such hard physical labour and as a result I get new perspectives in life. ~ Perspectives for present time and (near) future; my hopes and dreams and it has never felt more important to me to act on these hopes and dreams. It’s scary, frustrating, exciting and takes some creativity and soul searching but I am getting there... and I am ready to welcome ‘it’!

- - -

State of play:
Wednesday I completed the 1st month in my 101-day challenge with today only 70 days left!
Time flies and when you have a 101 day challenge insight instead of a 30-day challenge; I can tell you those 30 days where easy this time.
No emotional rollercoaster, no exhaustion… ready for more!
The hotter the room (42 + degrees) the better I ‘perform’. It’s easy to get very flexible in the hot classes and go deeper into postures. I love the hot classes because this is when I am able to take postures to a new level.
When classes are not too hot (-/- 39.5 degrees) my muscles feel sore, short/ tight and tired.

This week a dedicated ‘thank you note’:
“To my ‘Ultra Muscleze’: Although you taste foul I’d like to shout out a big thanks to your high dose of magnesium with a comprehensive range of cofactors which really fix up my muscles each night”.

A day without Bikram yoga......

.....is the day I got really sick.

Today is a sad day.
I am STILL sick and it seems to be getting worse instead of better.

No way I can do yoga today; I can't breath through my nose, I keep sneezing, coughing and blowing my nose, since yesterday I've got tonsillitis and with that I have a fever. I hoped that continuing my Bikram practice would make me recover quicker but it now seems to be the opposite....

A sad day it is in my 101-challenge...... but I can still make it better by doing a double(; if I feel better again tomorrow..?)

Anyways, I am almost 1 month in my challenge (which I can hopefully still resume and eventually complete).
I am breathing controlled and calm which gives me strength and determination, I am able to move deeper into postures and still keep alignment, I find it easy and enjoyable to go every single day (sick days excluded!)
My muscles are getting tired (mainly hamstrings and shoulders) and therefore balance ain't always easy to master. Exhaustion does not equal strength obviously which is much needed in balancing postures.
I am taking my muscleeze (electrolytes with a high high high dose of magnesium to quickly recover muscles) every night and even took a double dose yesterday.
I am far off from welcoming the yoga bum, however I do see that my legs are changing in shape. My new abdominal muscles seem quite shy still but they peak through the layer of cookies and chocolate most days so I hope they will come out soon.

Very very very excited I am for Rajashree; Bikram's wife who is coming to Australia: http://www.bikram.com.au/rajashree.pdf
I am attending the full day seminar August 7 which will include 2 posture clinics (!!!!!) a Bikram yoga class and meditation. I am sure I'll gain so much from her knowledge, can't wait!


On a final note,
I read the delightful ThxThxThx blog, “a daily exercise in gratitude” where Leah Dietrich writes a daily thank-you note to something in her life. Here's mine for today;
" Thank you flu, for making me go to the pharmacy feeling my absolute worst and on my way passing the most gorgeous shoes which I am now the happy owner of. They made me feel better instantly"

In sickness and in health

Fever, headache, body aches, sore throat, runny nose...... Yes I've got the flu......
With the flu in early stages Bikram was my medicine. I felt amazing during the daily 90-minutes in the hot room and for a couple of hours after class.
Yesterday I wasn't this fortunate. Lacking sleep and feeling my absolute worst I went to a 10am class hoping that this class would make me feel better. It didn't, it nearly killed me instead....
I sat down, feeling miserable, for the entire class with a few minor attempts to get up and try a posture without passing out. Thankfully it was a 43-degree class which made me feel incredibly sweaty and almost like I actually had a great workout ;-)
I felt bad for my 'neighbor' yogi's since I must have given off such bad energy. - A special note of apology to my Polish yogi friend.... Maybe you will excuse me if I advertise your fabulous blog: www.notthedestination.com -

Today; a brand new day; I still feel like crap but my class went quite alright.
I am 3 weeks in my 101-day challenge. My body is getting a little tired but I am sure it will regain strength soon. Would help if this freakin' flu would f#%,k off already. "Echinacea, why won't you make me feel better...?"
Overall State of Play: I enjoy my new daily routine ;-) I am ready for more!

They try to make me go to rehab......

Some people come to practice for the physical benefits, for weight loss or body toning and some practice for deeper benefits on an emotional level. 'Some people even become addicted'.

Even though I was unable to see my teacher due to the posture I was in, I knew she referred to me and I felt her eyes on me.
The fact that she approached me before saying "Fiona, have you gotten addicted" might be the why I felt like the addict.
People don't get why on earth I want to 'torture' myself with a consecutive 101-day Bikram challenge and yet it doesn't seem like a big deal to me. It's the best habit I've ever created for myself and the benefits are enormous. Of course there are days I'd rather spend my time some place else but after each class I feel amazing and so glad that I went again (and again, and again, and-.........)

So, without having to give it much thought, yes I might just be addicted to Bikram yoga. There...... I have said it!













I talk about it (a lot...), I blog about it, recruit new yogi's.
It eases my mind, makes me happy, enlightens my soul and strengthens my body. Bikram is my religion and I am grateful to have discovered it's magic!

The pursuit of happiness

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder..."
~Thoreau~

I have so much to be happy and grateful for and yet I am always searching for more.
This doesn't make me unhappy and yet always in search for happiness.

For a moment, just a little while, I'd like to stand still and appreciate the beauty of all I have. Some how it seems like an impossible task cause all that I have never seems enough.

Is this just me, is it build in my character or is this a human normality?
Normal being natural or normal being what might be meant by the claim that a person has become.
The pursuit of happiness; isn't this want anyone wants?
Even if you don't want to increase your happiness you probably want to maintain what happiness you already have.
Bikram teaches us to look forward, 'there is nothing for you on the floor'.

There are little goals in my life, such as my Bikram 101 challenge.
Medium goals such as starting a new life in Australia and getting my permanent residency (almost there.....!)
I also have life altering goals such as finding my purpose in life; finding what I would love to do and be proud of. This last one is the one I am struggling with. I wish I knew what would combine my passion, skills and fits in my bigger picture. Tips anyone....?

Yogi Pride

Struck by the first symptoms of the flu and with only 4hours of sleep after a fun night out and maybe... just maybe..... still a little drunk was my condition this morning.
If there was no challenge I would have stayed in bed, feeling sorry for myself.

But there is a challenge and this is what made me get up, hydrate and bring my ass into the hot room.
And I am SO happy for it. It was hot, humid with a great energy. Within the first 15minutes I sweated out all of last nights toxins (pizza, wine, corona's, cake, maccas, jagerbombs, vodka.....) and for 90minutes I felt good..... no I felt great!!
My body opened up and executed postures really really well. Balance was on and my muscles strong and flexible.

Funny how a hot room can lift the feelin' shitty and flu-ish in a non existent state and make me feel so better instantly. Walking home from class I appreciated the clear blue sky, the result of the class and this long weekend with my happy smiling face.

Fingers crossed for a similar class tomorrow cause I feel like the flu is like a hit man, who is investigating my true identity and is ready to strike any time now... Must not get sick and jeopardize the challenge especially since it's going so well.

I take my electrolytes consistently and enjoy the progress and journey in my every day practice throughout my 101challenge. I am still way not ready for it to be over! I must aim to have a healthier intake. Epic fail on my nutrition lately..... Every day practice makes me hungry...
Tomorrow class 13, almost 2 weeks in the challenge and although there is a long road ahead; time flies!

Things I've learned

*Concentrate, meditate and let’s begin
* No need to move, fidget or adjust costume
* T is for Tom, L is for Linda ~although I prefer T for terrific, L for Love;
* Alignment is more important than depth;
* You have nothing to lose. You had nothing to begin with;
* Tighter is lighter;
* You can mess with the gods but you can’t mess with the knees;
* You will be a Japanese ham sandwich, a flower peddle blooming, a yogi solder, a half moon, a 747 lifting off, a camel, a rabbit, a cobra, a dead body, a bow, a ballerina, a half tortoise and an eagle;
* When finished you are cooked spaghetti or chocolate cake;
* You shouldn’t be a broken umbrella;
* (You can always) Go or look back, fall back, way back more back;
* Lock your knee, lock your knee, lock your knee;
* Your leg must be lamppost, one piece, unbroken ~it feels in fact like you have no knee;
* It's a lifetime practice, and it's a lifestyle;
* Pleasure of the pain;
* Perfection is not the goal. It's not even part of the equation;
* This is our journey and we are so incredibly lucky to have found this path;
* Just get to the room. That is all you have to do. Get to the room;
* You’re here...that's all that matters;
* It’s the action of trying that matters;
* Yoga is the gift that brings us closer to peace;
* People who practice Bikram yoga don’t put up with shit anymore;
* We can't control the events that surround us, but we can control the way we respond;
* Breathe normally and naturally..... don’t forget to breathe;
* Plan ahead;
* Try your best;
* Look at your own two eyes;
* Focus (on yourself);
* Surround yourself by amazing people;
* Your back might hurt like hell, don’t be scared;
* Sometimes you think you can't make it, than realize you just did;
* Don’t compare yourself to others;
* Be on time or you might miss out;
* Where your eyes go, your body will follow;
* It’s okay to cry or laugh. Don’t hold back on emotions;
* Smile..........;
* Coming to class is the best gift you can give yourself;
* Let go of your mind;
* Get back up and try again;
* Follow the dialogue;
* ‘Party time’ means that you can zip your water. Only if you need it;
* Contract your abdominal muscles to protect your lower back;
* Come back up the same way as you went in;
* Look forward;
* Mind over matter;

Sweat till you can't sweat no more.....

Monday... HOT; Tuesday....HOT; Wednesday not so hot....; Thursday....not so hot again.
Is it the room, or is my body done sweating; did I sweat the first 8 days of my challenge so much that I now can't sweat no more.......?
Neh...., I blame the room :-)

Monday and Tuesday classes where awesome, I felt like a true yogi. Total bliss!
I seem to have lost the bliss by Wednesday which was a sad moment. I hate Wednesday's enough as it is. Class was long, I got bored and I was lazy...
Today's class was strong again. Too bad the heat was a bit off, otherwise it would have been a terrific class. Today I whore my short short's (my b-day pressie) for the first time which does indeed -as they say- give better sight on my execution of postures. It also makes me feel like a cow which makes me push harder in class..! A teacher used to say; "contract abdominal muscles and look at your stomach, if you don't like what you see; pull it in even harder". It works, trust me!

Besides, it's my own fault. After my sucky class Wednesday I drank half a bottle of wine, ate a 3/4 pack of oreo's, a few bit of dark chocolate, 2 bowls of risotto and a 3/4 pack of chocolate pack. Yes... You could say I was hungry.

Bikram Bliss

"Bliss can be a state of profound satisfaction, happiness and joy"
"Bliss is a constant state of mind undisturbed by gain or loss".

I am back in Sydney, practicing at my same old studio and I am excited!
Not only to be back in my comfort-zone and practicing with my wonderful teachers again but also to have attended the 'grand' opening of the new and 2nd hot room.
The 2nd room is bigger & better than I could have imagined.
It is fantastic, clean, gorgeous, spacious, spiritual, (still) nice smelling and hot! It can bring 90 people together and brings great energy and inspiration.
I have had 2 amazing classes here which both absolutely stood out from any class I have done in Byron Bay. I do however miss the warm weather and the ocean a lot...

State of play:
I am in total Bikram yoga bliss!
93 classes/days to go and I am going full speed, am not even close to wanting to finish or asking myself what the hell I was thinking, I AM SO READY for this 101-day challenge. I have been having a healthy regime coming back to Sydney which is progressing my practice quickly and making me feel energized and ready for more....!

I feel blessed by the encouragement I am getting from friends and also people I don't know. I love your comments and support so much; blogging and not getting any comments makes me sad, so please feel free to (keep) do(ing) so...!

A quick extra thanks to the sweet b-day gifts: Ilona for the well thought of and much needed Bikram outfit, my lovely sister for the awesome scrub which I'll be in much need of (as well as the chippies to keep my energy level up!), mum and dad for the 2hr massage/facial voucher which I have already booked for when I am halfway through my challenge, Leonie for the book which will guide me through making progress on multiple levels during this challenge, Jacqui for the much needed organic (which makes it all better in my mind...) chocolate, Suus, Rogier and colleagues for the movie (voucher) since I'll be in need of much rest, 'lief' for the water cooler -see photo- which will be my biggest support during this challenge and Marieke and Emiel for the Meyer voucher where I bought a very pretty (size 8!!!!) dress.
~ Love you all ~

With my happy smiling face

With the ocean right in front of me I got my laptop out and am about to enjoy my chai latte accompanied by carrot cake.
Yes, Byron Bay is good!

I have been privileged to experience 4 different teachers in my 4 days in Byron. I kick off every morning with a Bikram class and am therefore able to enjoy the rest of the time doing whatever I feel like. Me and my yogi friend where keen to do some double classes but we are having too much fun on our girls trip and decided that 1 class a day is enough. Especially since I have to do 1 a day for 101 days; it feels very unnecessary to spoil all potential to completing this challenge by doing doubles.

The Bikram studio is located right at the beach. ~A beautiful –white sand/ palm trees/ clear ocean/ picture perfect- beach.~
Immediately after class I went for a swim in the ocean which felt amazing. Bikram yoga followed by a swim in the ocean; I swear they were made for each other. In my mind I sang ‘Bikram and the Ocean, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.....’, while floating on my back in the clear blue sea. I want to bring this ocean to Sydney and put it right next to my studio (I apologise to Oxford Street).

Although I love practicing in this environment I can’t help to get excited to practice again at my studio in Darlinghurst, Sydney.
I miss the teachers and getting inspired by their knowledge, support and their spiritual and-/or funny stories (mainly during the floor series). I tend to get a little bored during the floor series here at Byron, where they stick to the dialogue.

Other things done here; 7 course degustation dinner,(sucky) psych reading, (attempted to) shop, saw a movie, drank wines and ate at the cutest local cafes-pubs-bistro’s, drove around, had a chat to a security guy late at night after someone tried to break in to our apartment while we were in the apartment, survived a tornado, aroused the guy at the massage studio by asking if my yogi friend and I can have a massage together (what I meant to ask was if we could have one at the same time) and bought a (must needed -potentially addictive) muscle relaxer for my 101 day challenge.
What’s still to come; 1hr full body massage(tomorrow!!!), beach, buying a bikini for the beach, dinners, drinks and girls nights out...!

2 down, 99 to go.

Byron tha bomb!
Gorgeous people, fabulous shops, relaxed ambiance, lovely Bikram studio and awesome plans for the week.


I have done my 1st class out of my 101 challenge yesterday evening, and my 2nd class this morning: 99 to go........!

The studio is cozy, clean and owned by a true yogi.
Classes are hot and humid!! Improvement is on it's way as I have been given good feedback already.
I'll tell you though; Bikram yoga aint easy here in beautiful Byron. There's no slacking, pausing or taking it easy. It's not even allowed to wear too much. 'Dress less to impress' seems to be the way to go here with short shorts and tops -bikini style-. I guess I am down for that if they keep the hot guys coming ;-)

Glad that we completed a class and we can now enjoy ourselves. Plans for the week (besides the daily Bikram dose): Cinema, fancy dinner(s), massage(s), shopping(..ssss!?), psych reading, writing blogs meanwhile overlooking the ocean and exploring Byron and surroundings.

June 1.

Footsteps and voices are surrounding me while I wait anxiously for time to pass. Why I am always way too early...?

Sydney airport is where I am, gate 33. I have 1 hour to kill before I board my plane to Ballina -destination Byron Bay-!

Today is the beginning of my Bikram 101-day challenge.
My yogi friend will pick me up in less than 3 hours at Ballina airport to drive me to our fabulous penthouse apartment in Byron bay. ~ I am prepared as I wear no make-up and all my yoga stuff is packed conveniently in my suitcase. First thing to do this afternoon: A Bikram class. Let’s tick that ’1st class done box’ with a 100 classes left in the challenge after that one.

I am very keen to practice at this new studio in Byron Bay; a new teacher, new surroundings, where I won’t be able to depend on expectations, compliments, familiarity and comfort. I feel this will benefit my practice and I am sure it will be a great start to my challenge.

Happy birthday to me........It will be a great holiday and the best thing I can give myself; -my body, mind & soul.
Disclaimer 1: Okay... the holiday will include some indulgence. I do get hungry from doing lots of yoga and haven’t scientists proven that wine is healthy...?
Disclaimer 2: Maybe there will be more than ‘some’ indulgence, but it is a holiday. Holidays must include enjoyment of all kinds... right?
Disclaimer 3: Yes, right! Ultimately I will bring so much goodness to myself by doing this challenge. It’s all about balance between goodness & indulgence.

In all honesty, it’s hard to break old habits.... Throughout this last month I have absolutely used and abused my body. Coming out of the 30-day challenge I poisoned myself with too much (bad) food and wine. I gained 6 kilo’s, I am tired and feel and see the immediate result of not taking care of myself properly. I am ready to feel awesome again!

Byron Bay Bikram Baby!

Birthday pressie from me, to me: Byron Bay!
This is where I will kick of my Bikram101 challenge next week, June 1!

I will leave right after my birthday which I'll celebrate in Sydney with a sensational dinner and lot's of wine.
Tuesday I am off to Byron Bay where my fellow yogi friend will pick me up. She has booked an amazing apartment and there's a Bikram studio nearby. It will be a week of Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram, Bikram but also beach, relaxing, exploring the area, going out, massages, wining & dining!

What better way to start my challenge?
I am so excited, I can't wait!

It's good to focus on Byron Bay, rather than the challenge I am about to enter.
I am reading blogs of yogi's who are doing teacher training as we speak. The blogs are freakin' me out a tiny bit.
Teacher training is 99 classes in 3 months. I however do 101 classes in a 101 days so it's a bit different and I don't have to do double classes (but I probably will). Some yogi's in teacher training are seriously injured, their hair is falling out, skin is falling off, rashes, acne, meltdowns... Oh lordy...Note to myself: Must take good care of myself!!

But hey, the 30-day challenge I can do (did it twice), I am sure I could do the 60-day challenge so why not skip that and go for the ultimate challenge..... right?
~ I might look like hell and be an emotional wreck but at least I will have a yoga bum by the end of it ;-)

Bikram101 -Challenge accepted

I am taking a new challenge upon myself!
I know, I know; I just completed the 30-day Bikram challenge last month, but I want more....!

So what is this new challenge?

'Bikram 101' is the answer. 101 consecutive days practicing Bikram yoga.
** Almost a third of a year -- 9090 minutes of bikram yoga **

I came up with this in my Monday class. I had a 100 day challenge in mind but the next day when I told a fellow yogi about this idea I found out it seems to already excist.
Google 'Bikram 101' and it has many many many results!

There are different "challenge lengths" in Bikram yoga. Here is a break out of how each one helps and heals your body:

* 30-Days: A readjustment period... You're getting your body primed for an on-going practice. Just getting through a 30 consecutive day challenge is a difficult for most people. Bikram will become a habit.
~Ticked that box (twice!)
* 60-Days: In the 60-day challenge, the second 30 days are where you get to the "emotional stuff." While you experience the mental exhaustion "here and there" in the first set of 30 days, you experience it far more frequently in the second set. Anger. Tears. Hysterical laughter. It all comes out here... Both in and out of class.
~Oh..oh...!
* 90-Days: This is when your body suddenly (or so people claim) changes shape. You will notice in the 30 and 60-day challenges that muscles and body parts tighten up. But the third set of 30 is when you start to see the yoga practice pay off physically in your body. You've been feeling it up until this point... But now you can actually see it. You can see your "yoga bum" starting to take shape.
~Bring it on :-)
* 100-Days: Ten extra days, just to make things a nice big number...
* 101-Days: Because you just have to show up for one extra day.

I will start June 1, as a happy birthday gift to myself.
I'll journal my progress throughout this challenge.

I am a nike girl, 'I can do it'! At least, I hope I can do it... EEK.....!

Past - Present -Future

I have a chronicle condition. There....I have said it.
This has always been my big secret, I felt ashamed for it.

Symptoms started when I was a teenager. I have seen it happen to my mother and I felt it happening to myself. I just refused to believe it and act on it.
It actually took me more than 10 years to go to the hospital (4 years ago), get tested and get the result; 'Fibromyalgia' -a rheumatic condition.

Although I was quite sure I had it and I only got tested to get medicine (or shall I say painkillers) it was devastating to hear.
I did get the medicine together with folders for support groups for me and my partner. 'To learn how to cope with this future'. I threw these folders in the bin immediately. I remember clearly that I went to see my regular masseuse that week to relieve me from inflamed joints and tense muscles. Her response was that she was not surprised by the given result and asked me if my (newly wed) husband was still with me. --She has seen it happen many times, that the partner doesn't choose 'that' life. She gave me a clear picture of what my life could be like -and it wasn't pretty. Thankfully, my dear readers, my husband choose me and the future that might come with that;-) And I never went back to the masseuse and her positive state of mind.

Worst thing about this condition is it will never get better, it will only get worse, hence the word 'chronic' before 'condition'.
It hit me hard and I self pitied myself for a quite some time which led to stress which led to more pain. I had days where I couldn't lift my arms anymore and days where I was unable to walk. It felt like my body gave up on my instantly. I took multiple pills every day and avoided social occasions and cried A LOT. Most of all I feared my future.

2 Years ago I experienced the benefits of taking good care of myself.
I moved to a country which offers me more relaxation and, very important, a warm climate; I lost weight; got a job which didn't make me unhappy or stressed; pursued Bikram yoga and learned to enjoy a healthy diet.
The future still scares me sometimes and so do a few random bad days where reality hits me and pain strikes. But in 13 years time, I have never felt better or stronger. Heck.. often I feel like a healthy 28-year-old-yogi!
I thank myself for my new life style and I thank Bikram yoga for making my body stronger, more resistant and a clean- mean fighting machine.

Bikram and me

I lay on the floor in savasana and stare at the ceiling.

My thoughts wonder off to what's been said in a recent class, how every individual will expose their personality and characteristics though their Bikram yoga practice.

A couple examples where given, such as:
When your postures look different as to other postures in the room you are probably not the best listener; when you sit down a lot during classes there is a fair chance that you give up easily in life; if you always start late in postures and finish early you could be kind of a loner; if you never give your all it would probably mean you are somewhat lazy; if you skip a specific posture continuously because you don't like it you avoid confrontation in unpleasant situations etc etc..

I found this quite interesting and observed my practice carefully with this in mind.

About a year ago I always skipped camel & triangle posture. I hated these postures cause it made my heart beat like crazy, it was quite the task on my poor muscles, it made me nauseous & dizzy and on a bad day also quite emotional. Just thinking about executing these postures actually made me feel unwell already so I almost always just didn't do them at all just to avoid the 'pain' and awkwardness.
True story is that this was reflecting on how I would react on random 'real life' negativity. I would always avoid awkwardness and confrontations.

The idea that you can actually change your 'not too fantastic' characteristics by changing how you practice Bikram Yoga sounds magical to me, also because I've seen it work for me. - Nowadays I don't skip postures anymore and neither do I avoid confrontations in life.
In all honestly, I still don't love confrontations and won't go look for them, but it's been a big improvement for me.
My new goal now is giving at least a 100% in the full length of all postures. Yes.... I am somewhat lazy.... but this might change soon..!?

I went through today's practice in my 70% mode. Not a great start to my new found goal... SIGH..
I hoped the teacher wouldn't notice my slacking and I therefore displayed (acted) a great bit of exhaustion. I was excited for every posture to be over an done with and the word 'change!' has never sounded better.
Then, all of a sudden, during the floor bow pose the teacher (and also founder of the school and 5x Bikram champion legend) said out loud "beautiful Fiona, you must demonstrate this for everyone".
For a second I thought I'd fallen asleep and dreamed this but..no,.... noop...everyone is looking at me...
Humbled and completely confused I looked at him and hoped for a way out but there definitely was no way out on this one. I have seen it happen before, to word 'no' is non-existent..

With a 120 eyes on me I performed floor bow pose.

I want to say that I felt embarrassed but the embarrassment was kind of overruled by the fact that I was actually flattered.
He praised my practice and mentioned that 'young miss Fi' has not been practicing for too long (he asked me how long and I gave an overwhelmed '1.5 year' as my answer. He continued that I had improved so very much in a short time and that many people in the room will probably think I am a legend.. >> Yes... really.. he said that. And no... really... I am not at all.
A few people kept glancing at me during the rest of class so I definitely finished strong.
Gosh, I love this teacher now... That's all it takes; a couple of awesome compliments and your loved in my life :-)

Live Life

I want to live my life right.....
I want to find purpose, accomplish things, be proud and most of all; enjoy it!

I don’t find it easy though.

I have not found purpose in life (....yet).
I wonder who I’ll be years from now and I wonder who I would have become had I lived a different life so far. I wonder what kind of person I would be if I could just delete all the shitty stuff which has dominated the most important years of my life; the years where I became me. I know it doesn’t help to think about this but is it true what they say; "what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger"? Or does it just make me less of the person I could have been. And from here on out, do I break through old bricks or do I ignore and move on?
~I have met people who lived an easy, loving life. A life without worries, headaches and sorrows. How do I not envy this?

Is it just me or do you as well always want different things? Things you can’t have or simply things that isn’t you? Does the grass always look greener on the other side or is it really actually greener?

I wish I could live my life peaceful, uncontrolled, free, and unwritten. Kind of like a ‘summer breeze’ with no regrets.
But instead I am controlling, organized, I over think things, have regrets and evaluate every move.

All in all, I’m happy. I am happy with the changes I have made and the person I am becoming. I am happy with new dreams even though some don’t last.
If only I could take a sneak peek into the future though... just to see if I am heading the right way......

Post-challenge

Whilst I imagined myself today face down in the toilet I take great proud in saying that I feel great and it's been such a lovely Saturday morning!

Yesterday was my post challenge & Dutch Queens-day celebration.
It actually felt like it was my birthday as chocolates where waiting on my desk at work -given by colleague- and everyone was congratulating me on completing the challenge and the ability to eat and drink again freely.

And eating and drinking I did.... Chocolates for breakfast with my first cup of coffee in 32 days. A cheesymite scroll for lunch followed by deep fried shenanigans and Heineken all throughout Friday night. To top this of we visited our good friend Jack; also known as Hungry Jacks for a midnight snack.

I woke up early this morning -if I might ad without a hangover- and went for an early morning run. First run again since like...well...I can't even seem to remember. It went really well and I enjoyed this so much that I am considering running the 2010 City2Surf. On my way back home found a cute boulangerie where I bought really dark rye bread. This is very uncommon in Australia to find so this was a joyful moment. Got home, took a shower, did some shopping, had lunch and will be going out for dinner tonight which should be lovely.

Bikram must have made my body strong as I seem resistant to the damage done last night! I'll be back in the hot room tomorrow.


I'll start a new blog soon (must keep writing to practice for my one day to be published bestselling book ;-) which will entail random topics and my opinions, thoughts, reflections, hopes, dreams, feelings. All that and more so stay tuned...!

The heat is off.

Gotta love the finish line!

It’s been 31 days of hard physical labour but now the challenge is completed!
I was so over it by class number 34 but ended my challenge yesterday with an awesome class ‘number 35’ in front row!
I feel I have improved my practice and I feel great.

Today, welcome joy back in my life!
Thanks ya’ll for your support; I enjoyed writing this blog and loved your responses! I'll start a new blog soon....

I have a dream...........

My new dream: I'd love to have my own studio some day....!
Now, to make this happen I just need to win the lottery first, do teacher training in Las Vegas and then I am good to go ;-)
But it's good to dream, right?

It has happened, due to this challenge 'Bikram yoga has become a habit'. And a great habit it is to have.
I hope it sticks with me because I have to admit; I easily get bored of things. The benefits are huge though so it does stand a chance.

Since I have started practicing Bikram yoga I have experienced the following benefits:
* Weight loss;
* Body toning;
* Clearer skin;
* Calmer mind;
* Lesser inflammations in joints;
* Stronger stomach/ bowel;
* Better control in breathing/ bigger intake of oxygen in lungs;
* Improved metabolism;

Only 4 days/ 5 classes left in my journey. Excitement galore!

Friday I'll be celebrating 'Dutch Queens-day'. This includes deep fried Dutch food and Heineken. -I'll probably be drunk of my face after my 2nd Heineken so no Bikram on Saturday.

Hella nr.30!

I have done it; I have completed class number 30 today with still 6 days left in the challenge!!
- Photo: The 30-day/30-classes challenge board. See the smiley face... that's me!

Friday’s class was good. I practically danced gracefully though all postures with a smile on my face. Loved the teacher, loved that it was nice and hot and loved my concentration and commitment.
I rewarded myself with a banquet and yummy spreads for dinner. I have so much love for bread, crazy really. I could eat bread all day long....every day.... In fact, I would.... Ooh –lost my train of thought, where was I..? Oh yes, my practice.

I started yesterday morning with, well let’s say, not my favorite teacher -see previous blog. You can imagine that I wasn’t too excited but I went anyway cause the other option was to get up at 6 am for a different class which honestly really wasn’t an option at all for me ;-) Besides, this was a perfect opportunity for me to see if my anger was really meant for the teacher or if it was just the challenge kicking in. Conclusion; although her dialogue is alright, it was cold again (so much even that people got up and closed the window which she had just opened) and again she expected us yogi’s to speak up in the silent room. Yep... I am sure, I really don’t like her classes. But I pulled through and did well.
I took another class that afternoon which was class number 30; hot room, better teacher, good result and kudos for completing the challenge early!

Now, having done 30, I might just want to aim for 40 classes in the 30 days..? Could I, would I, should I...? We will see my friends!

Final week!

1 more week...... 1 more week!

I did a double class yesterday, 3.5 hours in the hot room.
1st Class was good. My favourite teacher, good balance and strong class. My new yoga outfit is treating me well.
2nd Class was horrific. New teacher, cold class and I just got really angry -almost aggressive.

During many classes teachers have told me that different emotions can come up, especially when doing a challenge like the one I am doing this month.
I thought I always understood what they meant with that but yesterday gave me a whole new understanding. I felt calm, peaceful and happy all day yesterday until my 2nd class. The teacher wasn't too nice to my friend -I tell you, don't mess with my friends- so that set my mood for the rest of class. She wanted everyone to respond to her 'good evening' and later on repeat a stupid joke she made. It's a silent room, -please shut up is what I was thinking (with a few extra words/ expressions). She kept opening both doors and it was actually really cold. Cold... I tell you... in the hot room!
She must have seen that I got a little angry because she said "you know, it takes 43 muscles to frown, and only 3 muscles to smile". -I wondered how many muscles it would take me to punch her in the face and leave the room.
Unsure if this was just the emotional state of the challenge erupting or if I really was not a fan of the new (temporary!) teacher.
When walking home with my friend after our double, the experience somehow seemed all too funny all of a sudden and I could not stop laughing. Such a random mood swing. Felt like a crazy person.

Anyways, 1 more week to go! Hurrah!

“Success is the sweet reward for turning believing into achieving. Unique to each individuals dream, accomplishment is universal in the thrill of a job well done.
Set your goals high and pursue them with passion. Success is not measured in the size of the outcome, but the depth of the effort”.

2250 minutes of Bikram Yoga

Got my 25th class coming up tonight (AKA 2250 minutes of Bikram yoga completed) with tomorrow only 1 week away from the finish line!

State of play:
Feeling tired, hungry, bored, healthy, proud, and strong.
-I still totally love practise.

Spotted:
Unsure if this is even possible, but I swear I have grown a whole new set of abdominal muscles.
It feels like my lower rib and my waistline have grown some new muscles which now are getting acquainted and trying to find their position. They clearly haven’t found a comfortable place just yet as it still feels like something has been inserted surgically. ‘Please dissolve and make room I ask you fatty bits, you are no longer needed!’

Practise:
Sunday morning practise was awful. Bad energy in class, and ¼ of people in class sat down already during warm-up postures. It was extremely hot and humid. It felt like pure torture. My muscles refused to bend or stretch.
Sunday evening went well. Muscles gave in to what I asked of them and I regained energy and strength.
Monday went okay. Didn’t give a 100%.....
Tuesday went well. I pushed myself back in front row with the pressure to perform.
After class I gave myself a motivational pressie: new yoga outfit. Strange things can motivate me these days and I have so deserved that!
Practise has become a habit by now and I no longer have the internal dialogue going on before classes.
[Example:] “I don’t want to”; “but it would be good to go, -you’ll feel better after”; “but I really don’t feel like going”; “get dressed and go!”; “I don’t think I drank enough water”; ”drink your water now and go” ---etc etc…!
The studio feels like my 2nd home now and teachers are my social highlight each day.

On a final note:
Watching Masterchef while sipping my cup of tea is absolutely killing me….