Expectations

Lights are off and it’s silent. I lie on my belly with 4 hours to go in this room. I am glancing around and preparing mentally. It almost feels like lights will go on soon, music will start and a show is about to begin.

But a show is not what’s going down this eve.
It is Tuesday and me and my yogi friend have dedicated ourselves to do another double class. It’s her 1-year Bikram Yoga anniversary; now that’s passion -she actually remembered the date that she started- and I love the teacher who teaches the late class on Tuesdays and would love a day off in return for this double! Tit for tat ;-)

The 1st class went alright. It was humid, I gave it my all. My skin felt hot, I was out of breath and my heart was beating hard. I love to feel this way; it gives me a sense of accomplishment. It’s this feeling that makes me feel more and more in love with Bikram Yoga. It’s a complete work-out like no other!

The 2nd class I wasn’t feeling all that awesome anymore. I was tired, psychically drained, in other words exhausted.
Such a waste because I love the teacher and it was definitely not her fault. A lot of people where struggling in this class so there was not much energy to steal.
I am happy to have done it though. That extra class is ‘in my pocket’; calories are burned and I felt proud and wonderful after!
Besides; I can’t have great classes every time and I just have to see what each class will bring me.

In general, expectations bring me excitement or disappointment. Most of the time there is not much in between.
I find it hard to live in the here & now without any prospective, - exciting plans for the near future. I plan and plan and plan, and with that come expectations. I wish I could independently control the outcome (noop, I am not controlling at all… well… maybe just a little) cause I’ll take excitement as a result any day –as you ‘my lovely 18 followers’ would probably as well ;-)

Expectations are a waste in practice. You can come to class thinking it will be a great one but instead of greatness you’ll have a yoga truck running you over or you’ll come to class feeling ‘bleh’ and praying for it to be over but it turns out to be a super duper class.


Anyways:
I have completed 56 days/ classes in my Bikram 101 challenge!
The 45 classes I’ve had so far have brought me strength, determination, improvements, setbacks, pride, bliss, energy, discovery, health, tired- (sometimes sore) muscles, soul searching (-and finding!), healthy nutrition, positive mind set, an ongoing & growing love for my practise and best of all; ‘prospective’…….

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“Thank you ‘envy’. Although they say you are a sin and are often labelled as negative you open my eyes to new opportunities, want more,-strive for more and coz of the feeling you give me I believe that anything is possible”.